Why do we play DnD?

I’ll let you into a juicy secret: I’m not just a DM; I’m a DnD player too.

Ok, so that wasn’t juicy at all. Maybe this secret will be better: I’ve played more much than I’ve DM-ed.

Nope, still not juicy. But I’ll carry on despite the slow start, because I really do have a plan for this blog post, so please stay with me. (I won’t say ‘hear me out’. I’ll never say ‘hear me out’ because I’m too old for TikTok. And TikTok doesn’t even exist in Faerûn. Here, if we want someone to look at us and react we just head to the nearest tavern and shout “Did anyone else see that Intellect Devourer in the toilets?” Going viral in Faerûn usually involves potions and curses followed by a really bad day.)

But let’s get to the point. I suppose I’m writing this post more as a player than as a DM. Or at least 50/50. What makes the party work? Who are the players we want to play with, and why? And (because self-doubt hits us all) how can we be the player that people want around their table?

DnD is a social game. But one of the hardest things can be finding people to play with, even in our always-connected internet world. I can’t remember how we found people to share our hobbies with before social media took over. Did we just stand in fields and holler until a crowd formed around us? Maybe.

Here’s another secret and whilst it’s not exactly juicy, it is personal: I don’t find it easy to make friends.

I think a lot of people who know me in real life would be surprised by that, perhaps even shocked. I’m not unpopular. People seem to like me and I get along with most people that I spend time with. But the mechanics of moving from ‘person I know’ to ‘friend’ has always alluded me. I have friends, great ones who I’ve known for a long time, and I do make new friends sometimes but it’s rare and I never really know how it happened.

Before you stop reading, I haven’t forgotten that this is a DnD blog.

I suspect that there are other people who play DnD who, like me, don’t always find it easy to make friends. Perhaps that’s one of the things that attracts us to the game: it’s a way of being social within the boundaries of clearly defined and understandable rules.

So what makes a good DnD player?

Well, firstly, a good player is generous. Every likes having their moments to shine but a good player does things that draw other people into the game, rather than trying to take up as much time in the spotlight as they can.

A good player is knowledgable without being pedantic. Having someone around the table who knows the rules and can help you figure things out is a great help when you start playing DnD but at the same time, no one wants someone who makes them feel stupid or makes the whole experience feel like school. Helping fellow players can require a delicate touch.

A good player takes the game seriously, without taking themself too seriously. DnD is just a game, but if players act like they’re not invested in the game and don’t care what happens, it will soon become a chore. It’s also a game that requires thought and a bit of preparation in order for games to run smoothly. But players having a sense of humour about themselves and their characters is essential for the game to be fun.

Those are just three of the most important qualities, in my opinion, that make a good DnD player. I haven’t mentioned things like being polite, and kind, and generally not an arsehole, because I don’t think I need to say anything that obvious. But how do we find good players to play with? This is where it can get tough.

The internet helps connect players, and I’ve met some fantastic people through online means that I play DnD with now. It can be tough though, to find your people. I hope you have found yours but if you haven’t yet, keep looking. They will be out there somewhere and though it’s not always easy it is worth it.